Grit and resilience are increasingly identified as crucial factors for the long-term success of young performers. Some people have even started to speak about practicing resilience. But what does this mean? How might we practically go about fostering resilience in aspiring young performers? If resilience is a practice or discipline then what does this look like in reality?
DEFINING RESILIENCE…
We should first define resilience: what we are specifically talking about is the ability to respond positively and bounce back following setbacks. A great perspective shared by Justin Langer (head coach for the Australian men’s cricket team) is that when he looks back on the darkest periods of his playing and coaching career he does so fondly, as these times proved invaluable and had the biggest impact in making him a better player and coach, respectively. This insight brings us to the realisation that the trials and setbacks we experience are an integral and essential part of the journey. These obstacles and challenges provide the means to acquire and develop resiliency.
So rather than something to be endured, performers should perhaps seek to embrace these times for the opportunities they present. The hard lessons often prove to be the most valuable. Setbacks provide the chance to see what we are made of and these trials test us in ways that will serve us down the road. After all, if our mettle has never been tested how much faith can we have in our ability to overcome when we face the ultimate test?
Of course it is not quite this simple. We need to realise that it is not sufficient to simply go through hard times. The events themselves are neutral; however, the enduring effects of these experiences on the performer might be positive but they can equally be negative. It is how we respond and react that makes all the difference.
EMBRACING THE POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE…
Growth requires a willingness to try things with the attendant possibility that we might fail. Beyond a readiness to try and fail on a day-to-day basis, we need to accept that the bigger our ultimate aspiration might be, the higher the odds that we might not be successful in the endeavour.
The sense of challenge and possibility of failure is something to be emphasised rather than glossed over; this is exactly what makes it aspirational! If the objective was easy to achieve and success was assured from the outset then the quest would be robbed of any real meaning.
EXPECTATIONS VERSUS REALITY…
“Nothing in life was set in stone and nothing in life is promised us...”
It is important that expectations reflect life’s realities. Some wisdom that my dad passed down to me was along the lines ‘nobody said life was fair’. It is also true that unfairness is not always evenly distributed.
It would serve aspiring performers well to cultivate some stoicism when contemplating setbacks. Certainly it is important to realise that there is no cosmic conspiracy against them. When things don’t go their way this is no cause to feel picked on. Feeling aggrieved or having a chip on their shoulder certainly won’t serve them moving forwards.
Some people view life as something that happens to them. This mindset that we are at the mercy of fate or external forces beyond our control is disempowering but also absolves them from any blame. Neither of these things is helpful if we want to achieve anything.
EMPHASISING AGENCY…
Clearly not everything is within our control but it is vital to foster a sense of agency, especially with young performers. It is critical for each individual to appreciate that they have the power to choose and to act of their own free will; and through those choices and actions they are able to change their situation and influence the world around them.
Part of growing up is accepting things won’t always go our way but depicting ourselves as a victim of circumstance when things happen is clearly not conducive to feeling empowered and responding positively. A sense of agency is a necessary starting point if we are to switch from feeling aggrieved to realising the possibilities presented by the situation.
The urge to complain is quite natural and of course there will also be times when there is a genuine cause to feel aggrieved. Equally, complaining about what is beyond our influence does not serve any useful purpose. Moreover, holding onto grievances and harbouring resentment is toxic to the individual. These are not indulgences that we can afford if we want to achieve great things. Beyond accepting life’s realities, the appropriate response is to set about making the best choices and taking appropriate actions to move forwards.
Acceptance also includes owning our part in whatever occurs or the circumstances we find ourselves in. All of us have an attribution bias in that we are more inclined to accept credit when things go well, whereas we are considerably slower to claim responsibility when the outcome is not positive. Taking responsibility and owning their part in what happened is necessary in order for the performer to take the relevant lessons from the experience. If it is always somebody else’s fault or we are constantly claiming to be at the mercy of unforeseen outside events through no fault of our own then clearly there is not much learning going on.
MANAGING EGO…
Given that a victim mentality is so unhelpful then we might wonder why so many seem to fall into this mindset. After all if a person is constantly aggrieved at the world and convinced that the game is rigged against them then why try? As it happens this is likely the source of the allure. In some sense, it is an ingenious way of protecting our ego. The narrative that lets us off the hook is to say that if the universe is conspiring against us and the game is rigged to prevent us from succeeding then we also cannot truly fail. This framing of events gifts an abundance of excuses and absolves us of any blame.
What is often overlooked and something that we certainly need to recognise with developing performers is that ego and status must be carefully managed. This applies especially during the adolescent years when individuals are especially sensitive to social judgement. When a young performer is identified as ‘talented’, the mantle can hang heavy and add extra pressure when performing under the scrutiny of others. The more attached they become to their ‘talented performer’ status, the more they seek to preserve this status and in turn the more averse they become to situations and scenarios that might imperil it. In turn, the looming threat to their status and self-image can lead to the tendency to engage only when the odds are in their favour.
An extreme example of this is the phenomenon seen in sports such as tennis where talented players opt to intentionally tank matches. Whilst to the observer this might seem like self-sabotage or an act of petulance, choosing to opt out of the contest serves a purpose, whether or not they are conscious of it at the time. In sabotaging their own efforts by very obviously withholding their full effort and deliberately losing points the performer is acting to protect and preserve their status. After all, if they very publicly did not contest the match then they did not really lose. In turn they do not need to confront the possibility that they might not be as good as the outside world has been led to believe.
THE ROLE OF THE GROWN UPS…
Clearly we should be more careful about conferring status upon a young performer. Parents and coaches should also be mindful of the potential for their own conduct to reinforce these tendencies. Armed with this awareness we can exercise discretion and try to model the behaviours that we are seeking.
To give an example, parents can help by resisting the urge to criticise officials and coaches, accept their decisions (including when they get it wrong) and move on. For coaches and parents alike if we want performers to maintain a process focus then our actions likewise need to reflect this by rewarding execution and effort rather than outcome. We should similarly strive to retain our equanimity, particularly in how we react to competition results and focus on what lessons the performer can take moving forwards.
Beyond modelling behaviours and reinforcing messages, the coach and those around the performer play a central role in developing an environment that supports and encourages the performer to challenge and push beyond their present capabilities. Fostering a high-challenge and high-support environment of course begins in the practice setting but also extends to the competition arena and should ideally also be mirrored in what happens at home.
A key distinction should also be made between being supportive and indulgent. One of the most important ways that the grown ups can serve a performer is by ensuring they remain accountable and take responsibility. It is not kindness if we are enabling the performer to avoid confronting reality and it does not serve the individual to allow them to make excuses. Being candid and helping the performer to deal with the sometimes hard truth of the situation is important to enable them to learn and grow from the experience.
Readers who are interested can enquire to find out more about what support and coaching provision we can offer for those local to Vancouver, as well as remote coaching options for those further afield. For more, including how to arrange an initial assessment, see the ‘Enquire’ link at the top of the page or email us direct at PreparedATH@gmail.com.
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Thanks also to all those who have shared feedback on the recent release Prepared: Unlocking Human Performance with Lessons from Elite Sport (click on the image below for details).
